Letting Go

Bag number 8 has scarves in it.  Beautiful scarves.  Out of style and not worn in a long, long time. 

These were troublesome for me.  I don't really want them.  I don't even like all of them.  But many of them were gifts and I have a very hard time parting with something that has been given to me as a gift.

One was a gift when I had thyroid surgery.  A co-worker very thoughtfully knew that I would be very self-conscious of the large scar that traversed my neck.  She brought a brightly colored scarf to the hospital for me to wear and we draped and tied that scarf to cover what felt like a gaping wound.  A very sensitive gift.

Another was given to me by a friend who has since died.  I only wore it a few times, and I never felt it suited me.  I always thought it was a bit frumpy.  I appreciated the thought, but not the gift.

Then there was the red, white and blue scarf that my grandmother gave me.  It is a square scarf and not very large.  I never quite figured out how to wear it well, so I never wore it.  To be quite frank, I didn't really like it.  But my Neenie gave it to me, and I held onto it.  Because it came from her.

The last gift scarf was a lovely off-white silk scarf that my ex-husband gave me shortly before our marraige crumbled.  It was a surprise and I have figured out since that he probably gave it to me out of guilt.  It is a beautiful piece, but I have never worn it, either.  Honestly, I can't begin to imagine why I sitll have it.

All of these, and plenty that I've simply accumulated over the years, are in a bag to go to the Rummage Sale.  But I still feel a little guilty at the thought of parting with them.  Because they were gifts.  It seems somehow ungrateful to give away these pieces of fabric that someone picked out with me in mind and gave to me...for whatever reason. 

Goofier than that, there is a small part of me that thinks if I toss aside these gifts, maybe I will never again receive such a gift.  Totally irrational, I know.  More of a feeling than a thought and feelings don't have to make sense, do they?

Keeping those gifts serves no useful purpose, so I'm going to work through the goofy feelings and let them go. 

As I place them into the bag, I am going to be very grateful for the intent of the givers.  For my co-worker who was sensitive to my circumstance and possible embarassment.  For my friend who wanted to celebrate my birthday by giving me a scarf.  For my precious Neenie, who was so generous and giving. And who gave me many things that I do use and cherish.  Even for my ex-husband's scarf.  What motivated him to purchase and give it to me, I can only surmise.  No matter what the reason, the day I received it, I was thrilled.  He was able to pick out something that I find truly attractive and I am going to consider that he simply wanted to give me a gift and let it go.  Really let it go.  It no longer matters.

Letting go.  Not always easy.  Usually worthwhile.  Heart work at its best.  I'm working on mine.  How about you?  What do you hold with a clenched fist, for reasons that aren't always clear?

~Mollianne